• Am I Gay or Straight? Maybe This Fun Quiz Will Tell Me

  • Until then, I had assumed I was straight; I was just really, really bad at it. I’d never had a boyfriend or even slept with a man, and I didn’t particularly like going on dates with men or hanging out with them, but I thought that was normal — all of my friends constantly complained about the guys they were dating.

     

    I knew I was doing something wrong but didn’t know what. Sometimes I asked my friends for help. When they weren’t available or got sick of me, I turned to another lifelong source of support and comfort: the multiple-choice quiz.

     

    My habit started in middle school, in the backs of magazines like CosmoGirl and Seventeen and Teen Vogue, where short quizzes promised girls guidance on issues ranging from “Does he like you?” to “How much does he like you?”.

     

    Questions and Answers

    • 1. Right now, what would you consider yourself?

      • A.

        Straight

      • B.

        Gay

      • C.

        Bisexual

      • D.

        Bi-Curious

    • 2. Were you ever curious about the body of someone of your same sex?

      • A.

        Yeah... seize the opportunity!

      • B.

        I was just curious, so I snuck a peek!

      • C.

        No way! That is sick man!

      • D.

        No, but I wanted to!

    • 3. You are currently dating someone of the opposite sex, and you discover that there is someone of the same sex that has strong feelings for you. You:

      • A.

        Continue dating people from opposite sex because that's what you want.

      • B.

        OMG, someone from the same sex liked me. I am excited!

      • C.

        I would never go out with people from the opposite sex in the first place.

      • D.

        Even though you are interested, you you continue dating people from the opposite sex because you are afraid of what people will think.

      • E.

        You try dating that person and see where you and this person can go.

    • 4. Would you ever cheat on a person with a:

      • A.

        With someone from same sex.

      • B.

        Someone from opposite sex.

      • C.

        I wouldn't ever date someone, so I wouldn't worry about it!

      • D.

        Cheating is shallow and immoral!

    • 5. You believe that people from the opposite sex were never interested in you because of your physical appearance. What do you do?

      • A.

        Screw them. I don't like them anyway. I would prefer someone from the same sex .

      • B.

        Move on and keep trying. Someone will be interested in me someday!

      • C.

        Screw it.. maybe I will be gay?

      • D.

        Expand your horizons, and look for someone from the same sex too.

    • 6. Someone who is not your type asks you out. What do you do?

      • A.

        You are not interested. So, you don't talk to them and you don't lead them on or send any mixed signals!

      • B.

        Tell them you are not interested... Let them down easy.

      • C.

        Duh! Go out with them! I'm desperate!

      • D.

        There will be someone who’s my type out there interested in me.

      • E.

        Get confused by not being able to make up my mind.

    • 7. Queer Eye is on TV!! What do you do?

      • A.

        Check it out. Why not?

      • B.

        Woo hoo! It doesn't get much better than this!

      • C.

        Keep flipping through channels!

      • D.

        Sure why not, its kinda hot, so what the hay!

    • 8. What color are your eyes?

      • A.

        Blue

      • B.

        Brown

      • C.

        Hazel

      • D.

        Black

    • 9. Have you ever seen an attractive person from the same sex, handsome guy and felt yourself attracted to him?

      • A.

        Yes, several times!

      • B.

        No, Never.

      • C.

        Only sometimes..

      • D.

        I haven't ever seen a hot person from the same sex.

    • 10. Have you ever attended a gay party?

      • A.

        Yess! I love those parties

      • B.

        Gay Party? Absolutely Not!

      • C.

        Not attended yet, but would love to be a part of it someday.

     

    Senario of Gay Test

     

    Each Valentine’s Day in high school, our first-period teachers would pass out Scantron forms for a service called CompuDate, which promised to match each hormonal teenager with her most compatible classmate of the opposite sex, without regard for the social consequences.

     

    I (not popular) was matched with Mike P. (extremely popular) and he was nice about it, but it was humiliating for us both.

    Lydia and I met thanks to a quiz, the multiple-choice OkCupid personality assessment, which asks for your thoughts on matters like “Would a nuclear Holocaust be exciting?” (that’s a “no” from me) and then matches you with those you’re least likely to hate.

     

    Our first date was for drinks on a Monday night after a workday I had spent trying not to throw up from anxiety. It would be my first-ever date with a woman, made approximately 10 days after I came out to friends as “not straight, but I’ll get back to you on exactly how much” at the age of 28.

     

    I had sent Lydia the first message, asking to read the gay Harry Potter fanfic she had mentioned in her profile. She asked me out shortly afterward. I was excited to meet her, but it was all happening so fast (if you don’t include the 28 confused years preceding it).

     

    College graduation is the natural end of most people’s association with the multiple-choice quiz, but I couldn’t stop taking them. The older I got, the less confident I felt in how well I knew myself, and the more I looked outward for anything that might provide clues.

     

    In retrospect, maybe I should have known who I was the first time I went looking for a quiz called “Am I gay?” But I didn’t.

     

    Gay Test Quiz

     

    The selection of sexuality quizzes available on today’s internet is vast. But when I first looked, in 2010, desperate for answers to my perpetual singlehood, online quizzes were still surprisingly amateurish, often using irregular font sizes and clip art. I remember politically incorrect and leading questions.

     

    such as “When you think about the type of person you want to marry, do they have short hair, like a man, or long hair, like a woman?” One quiz took my lack of interest in driving a pickup truck as definitive evidence that I was not, in fact, a lesbian.

     

    I remember knowing what the answer would be before finishing every quiz; it was always exactly what I wanted it to be. If I took a quiz seeking reassurance I was straight, I would get it. If I took a quiz wanting to be told I was gay or bisexual, that would be the conclusion. But no result ever felt true enough for me to stop taking quizzes.

     

    Eventually, I gave up. And I figured that if I were anything but straight — anything but “normal” — I would have known when I was much younger.

     

    I moved to New York, where I dated one man for a few weeks before he dumped me, and then repeated that scenario with another man. I attributed my dating failures to generic incompatibility and the inestimable shortcomings of the male sex. I vented to my therapist, and dumped my therapist, and then got my new therapist all caught up.

     

    Throughout, I worked at GayTest, making quizzes. Quiz making was a relatively tedious process, especially then, when the content management system was buggy and public interest modest. But quiz making was also empowering, meaning it made me feel like God.

     

    Final Words

     

    Finally, I had the answers I wanted because I wrote them myself. In designing quizzes, I could elect myself the most well liked, brilliant, hilarious, hottest and most likely to succeed.

     

    My quizzes might ask, “Which One Direction member is your soul mate?” or “What type of ghost would you be?” But I already knew what I wanted those answers to be, and my quizzes simply bore them out.